Date: 1st April 2010 at 11:05am
Written by:

Vital QPR – Breaking News
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I have today learned, from a reliable sauce, that there has been some trouble this morning at the Harlington training ground.

It seems that some of the players are revolting. This is not a personal criticism of their characters! It is a joint action brought about because of a summary decision, coming into effect today, to change the soaps and deoderant the players use after a jolly good workout with Uncle Neil and Co.

I have it on very good authority that, in an effort to cut costs but without consulting with the people who matter – the players – QPR have stopped supplying Lynx and have instead changed to an ordinary Boots-own range of shower and after-shower products.

This has angered many of the players, particularly the young, unmarried lads who enjoyed all the attention the ‘Lynx Effect’ had on females in and around Loftus Road.

One young player, who refused to allow his name to be given out, said that the players were now having to fight each other instead of fighting off the women and they really preferred to fight off women. ‘And the men don’t smell right,’ he added, ‘now that they’re not using Lynx, that is,’he complained.

Under the chairmanship of Flavio Briatore, in an effort to smarten up QPR – and make the players smell nice – to fall in line with the ’boutique’ image he was trying to create, he bought a job-lot of Lynx. But now that it has run out, so my reliable sauce, Ms Apreel Fule, an employee of Lynx, has advised me, the Club has cancelled all future orders.

Can you imagine it? Players fighting each other? Unheard of!

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